Changing behavior only begins when the pattern that holds you back from being your best is identified. This epiphany meant that this athlete took his first step in breaking an established pattern and actively chose to create lasting, meaningful change in his life, for which his athletic and academic identities benefitted by extension.

Change and growth are possible. The key is understanding how to manifest change from within that can easily translate to various realms of our lives. Imagine being able to outperform yourself and exceed your own expectations consistently - this is what coaching offers.

In the book A More Beautiful Question, Warren Berger writes, “When we want to shake things up and instigate change, it’s necessary to break free of familiar thought patterns and easy assumptions. We have to veer off the beaten neutral path. And we do this, in large part, by questioning.”

One of my favorite parts about coaching is helping to identify the stories that we tell ourselves. Examples of a story might be, “it’s really hard for me to act without all of the information” or “I’ve just always been a big procrastinator.” We know our stories so well that they become our truths and we allow them to shape how we make decisions, how we think through problems, and how we show up in all aspects of our life.

How often do you look in the mirror? These days, without offices to visit or people to see, it may be less often than usual. But generally speaking, looking in the mirror is helpful for answering life’s important questions like:

Even with all the training in the world, coaches are still human. What triggered us in the past can continue to trigger us now. As I noticed my escalating frustration, I considered how I could use my coaching skills to move the conversation forward.

Did you know that you’re an expert? Really, you are! You’re an expert in YOUR LIFE. How does that knowledge sit with you? Do you respect the expert that you are or do you still need to come to terms with your newly-realized expertise? A core philosophy of coaching is that the client has the resources and knowledge to achieve their goals and they’re uniquely qualified to make choices about their own life.

I recently rewatched the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics Women’s Gymnastics All-Around competition. (That’s a mouthful.) As a former college athlete, watching elite athletes perform always makes me emotional. They sacrifice so much and work so hard to be able to compete on the world stage; years of practice go into a 90-second routine, 100-meter run, or three-minute fencing bout that we see on TV. Practice is critical in coaching, but not how you might think.

In order to complete a task, some people need only be accountable to themselves. They’ll let themselves down if they don’t do what they say they’re going to do and that’s enough to make sure that it happens. Other people are like me - they’ll choose to institute an accountability measure to ensure that they follow through on an action. 

So much of negative thinking is about perception. As humans, it’s hard to break our established pattern of giving into that perception and just stick to the facts. I’ve worked on this very issue with clients and perhaps it pertains to you, too. If so, consider this exercise: The next time you have a negative thought, write it down.